it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
