I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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