i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
