Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
