all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
