I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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