Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
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He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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