so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
