Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
