i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
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So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
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how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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