I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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