i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
