lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
