i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
did i walk over a car last night?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize