she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
