We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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