all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
