so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
