His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
