I'm lost and stupid without you.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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