saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
