We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i think my cat just said my name.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
