Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
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I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
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My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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