drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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