I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
