ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
