Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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