I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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