i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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