The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
