We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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