I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
