WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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