Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
