My friends, they love my intelligence
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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