...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
