Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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