DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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