I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
