fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
