is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
