You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
