just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
