you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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