Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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