I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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