All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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