Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
