after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
