guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
