He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
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the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
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