There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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