okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
