The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
