I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
