so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
