I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
