so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
