There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
