Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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