Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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