It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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